The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

The Red Pill or the Blue Pill   In the movie, The Matrix, Morpheus offers Neo two pills.  The Blue Pill lets him go back to his former life, no wiser.  Taking the Red Pill will show him the truth.  This reminded me of conversations I’ve had with a few trans* people and most recently with a lady friend of mine.  The question is, “If you could take a pill and you could eliminate forever your gender dysphoria, your desire to dress and present and blissfully be straight, would you take the pill?”  I know it’s a fun, intellectual exercise, but it also goes much deeper into who we are, the circumstances bringing us to where we are at this time, what we must do to survive, adapt and grow and who we eventually become.

If only I knew what was coming   I am sure if we were aware of the struggles, the heartache, the expense, the loss, the frustration and the dangers, we all might grab a handful of Blue Pills.  Everyone of us who was ever bullied, abused, tormented, injured or killed might take the blue pill.  Everyone who has been divorced, estranged, abandoned, thrown out or made homeless, might take the blue pill.  Everyone who has seen tears run down the face of your spouse, partner or significant other might take the blue pill. Everyone who has ever attempted or succeeded in suicide or lived years with depression, might take the pill.

I’ve learned so much   Over many years, what I and all of us have learned are lessons we would have missed and be poorer for it.  We have learned just how strong and enduring we are.  Whether you have come out or not, transitioned or not, still deep in the closet, you are overcoming something that is indescribable, if you are not one of us.  You would have missed the unique position of seeing life from two different perspectives. We would have missed the kindnesses from unlikely sources, the joy of new adventures and discovering a new life.

The Red Pill of the Blue Pill   Which pill would I take?  That’s a question I’ve considered and so has just about every trans* person I’ve met.  I believe most of us would take the Blue Pill.  I’ve heard the following statements from almost everyone I come in contact with, “No one wants this!  No one chooses to be trans*.”  I’ve said it myself.  However, Morpheus and I will not be sitting across from each other and I will not be offered The Red Pill or the Blue Pill.  None of us will. So we continue to grow and live and become who we truly are and we get better and better every day.

5 thoughts on “The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

  1. While this is a good question and, at least for me I would not take the pill, I wonder if a better question is if such a pill were available whether our wife, significant other or other loved ones and those close to us would have us take the pill.
    Just a random thought.
    Pat

  2. I would take the Blue Pill. Never wanted this. Has caused so much mental stress throughout my life. To all have a Lovely day. Charla

  3. I wish that pill was an option….43 yrs old and have always wished remember praying to god at 10 yrs old that I would do anything to wake up a girl….well crap in one hand pray with the other…yadda yadda….I shaved my head and to become a skinhead 30 yrs ago….never acted out against any tg or gay person…..joined the military at 30+…..all hoping that my tg issue would go away…..so what’s to say if you eat the wrong pill that it will work….yah I would love to wake up female….PLEASE….BUT even if I ate the other pill….that takes away from who I am also…….

  4. It is indeed a hard one. My family have known about me for 20+ years (I am 58) an I have known for maybe 50. But only lately have I entered the program. My wife, like me, was scared and supportive, but the “project Jano” folk here in Portugal are great, none of the old binary nonsense of “if you won’t go all the way as fast as possible – there’s the door” nonsense of 20 yrs ago when I first came out, or sheer disbelief from Freudians, who said “You can’t be – you are not gay or crazy therefore you’re playing games”.
    But the real eye opener was when I announced to my uberliberal offspring (all of whom had known for 20 yrs, are now over 30 and have their own young kids under four)), with their token gay friends, and non white partners, suddenly all that tolerance was gone when I implied I might be going to do something, even though they only see me once a year, and I live 1,000km away across the ocean.
    There is no doubt that being trans laid me open to the abusive first marriage that they came out of, and kept me in it far longer than a “sane” person would.
    True, having a transgender, transexual or bi-gender parent is inconvenient, but in 20 yrs time I may well be a lot more inconvenient than that, mere age can see to that, so it’s been horrifyingly useful to know which of my family I can rely on.
    Our maid, a village girl, who didn’t know how to use electricity when she came to us 20yrs ago, is a true friend, though we pay her to come fortnightly, she just smiled when I told her, gave me sound advice on who to keep it from locally, and made jokes about “us maids” and “our beloved boss”. She looks me in the eye now when we speak, something she was shy to do before.
    So would I take the pill, or would I know terrible truths about those I love. The truth has set me free. But I am so happy for young trans folk who can go through it all in their youth. I saw a pic of me at 15, I look twelve, what a cute girl I would have been(though at the time I was convinced even then that I did not “pass”, when dressed up, something I did whenever I could in strict secret, I would still have been very vulnerable, yes, but aren’t we all until we can tell the difference between grandma and the hungry wolf?
    Folk also call me Serena, or Stevie, depending how we know each other, the latter is for the select few who can handle “both”, for I seem now to be a true “Two Spirit” for now at least.
    I am also bipolar, similar discussions trend on this subject, I am now in long remission on that, thanks to modern understanding and meds in moderation. At one time I identified a chain of folkI might have been in previous lives. Only on later investigation, those of them who were identifiable as real people with just enough note to be known, were all probably bipolar and transgender. So maybe I have these twin gifts, to finally find an understanding, scientific, social and perhaps metaphysical, and know Tolstoy’s truths about “What men live by” (Please look it up) 🙂
    The astute can find me on fb and Linkedin, and are welcome to, I was not born to cringe.

  5. I would so take the pill. I am now 57, been dressing as Kathryn since I was about 8. I have tried so hard to repress the feelings of being a woman. I was scared and confused my whole life.
    I got divorced 11 yrs ago, my cross-dressing was accepted by my wife but quickly used as a weapon against me during the divorce, she told our kids and friends. tough way to “come out” I have prayed so many nights for this nightmare to be over and allow me to wake up as the woman that I know I am.
    Kathryn

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