Hi, I’m Cate

Hi everyone,

I’m Cate O’Malley, a transgender woman born in 1950.  I live in Florida and escaped from Ohio winters in 1972.  I thought it was paradise when I got her and still do.  I am married to my best friend, have a son and a daughter who is married to a great guy.  We were blessed in March, 2013 when our daughter gave birth to two beautiful, nay perfect, baby boys.  I am a giant chew toy for a seven-pound yorkiepoo who is the princess of the manor.  I love working around my home, sailing, writing, cooking, sewing, old movies, reading, poetry, theater, jazz, home brewing and the beach.  When you go to the beach and see the lone figure walking along the water’s edge just before sunrise, that’s me.  I’m an obnoxiously happy morning person, much to my family’s dismay.

Why did I start this website?  All of my life I’ve known there was something different with me and there was something unsettled in my soul.  Growing up in a small, very conservative Ohio farm town, there were not many opportunities to explore the wide spectrum of personalities.  So I did what was expected of me.  I served in the United States Coast Guard, married my childhood sweetheart, moved to Florida, worked hard, bought a couple of houses, had a son, got divorced, got remarried and moved to Gainesville, Florida.

In Gainesville, I was able to find, befriend and become part of a community that welcomes diversity, encourages tolerance, learning and acceptance and celebrates not only the ordinary, but the extraordinary.  Feelings that I had so long suppressed and eventually shoved in the back of my mind as to practically forget, once again began to surface.  In 2004, my beautiful wife and I were celebrating our anniversary in Savannah, Georgia.  We ducked into a small bookstore to get out of the rain.  Perusing the shelves, I discovered the book, My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd.  I was drawn to it and for the remainder of the trip and for three weeks after, it was something constantly on my mind.  I checked the book out of the library and devoured it.  I began reading all I could, always recognizing more and more of myself.  The tipping point was one morning, gray turning to blue in the east, I lay in bed, eyes closed and begged God to have changed me into a woman during the night.  Upon opening my eyes, I began sliding into acute depression.  I needed help.  I sought out and found a therapist and began my gender therapy.

After about six months of therapy, I came out to my wife.  She was shocked and distraught.  We began what has been six years of talking, crying, loving, therapy and dogged perseverance to get to the place where we love each other more than ever and she has accepted and embraced the fact that her husband, a male on the outside, is truly and genuinely a woman.

My transition has been slow and steady.  We’re doing it together, with the help of friends, family, qualified professionals and much, much love.

I know this is the extremely short version, but I’m not here to bore you.  I welcome all questions and comments and will offer what insight I can.  Please write and I’ll respond as quickly as possible.

Hugs,

Cate

36 thoughts on “Hi, I’m Cate

  1. Looking forward to posts and stories, especially for those of us that started late in life.

    Hugs,

    Pamela

  2. Love what you are doing. Looking forward to many posts by those of us who started late.

    Have been missing our private dialog but can see you have been very busy.

    I think you can use almost anything that I have posted as a story on EP. You have my permission if you want to use any or all of them.

    Hugs,

    Pamela

    1. Thank you, Cyrsti, for coming to my blog and I am honored you would mention my website on your blog. I know you have been working for all of us for a while and I hope you will share some of your journey.

      Cate

  3. Hi Cate
    I found you on Facebook. I am 51 soon to be 52 and have fallen into the depression you described. I’m married. 25 years this year. My wife knows I’m transgender but does not know I’m transsexual. The depression is getting worse and I need to talk to her about it. I was ready to about a month ago and that week she had to have gallbladder surgery. She is fine now. That was a tough week. I was really ready to talk to her that week. I never been so ready but lost the confidence. Can you give me any advice on how to proceed?
    Hugs
    Tom

  4. Cate,

    I’m so happy to find your website! I’m in a new relationship with a transgendering MTF and so thirsty for knowledge. How to help her, us, myself … I look forward to the insight I will find here and from other sources. Thank you.

  5. I am so glad to have found you. I am now a 69 year old post-op MtF trans woman living in Northwest Florida with my wife of 38 years. I started transitioning at age 54. Not much local support here along the “redneck riviera”!

  6. Hello Cate,
    I have struggled with the feelings since the age of 4 or 5. The second born of three boys. Before the start of kindergarten, I recall pestering my mother to buy me a pretty dress to wear the first day. I believe I was quite persistent, and eventually she exploded with the order that “little boys could NOT be little girls!” And then adding injury to insult “do you want to be like Christine Jorgenson?!” as if it were the MOST horrible fate in the world. I did not know until late grade school, when I found a paperback book @ the library entitled ‘Man into Woman’ that I discovered who she is, and what he had done to become her. After my Mom’s outburst, I also learned to never say anything about wanting to be a girl again.
    More to come… fast fwd to today. 57 years later.

  7. I have now reached a “maturity” phase of life and look back with wishes and dreams of what might have been. My needs, feelings and desires are as strong as ever if not more so. I just discovered your website and I thnak you for your insights and for showing me that it is never to late to be who we really are.

    Jamie Marie

  8. Hopefully I can help too 🙂 It suxs we didn’t do this years ago, but the thing that keeps me sane… much better to be female now, later in life….than to never have known, how it is to walk in the clouds as I do now! 🙂

  9. What a great site! Really encouraging thoughts and suggestions. I’m a year older than you and liked the idea of reading about a transgender lady in my age group. I came out to my wife many years ago and it scared her so much that I crept back into my shell again. But we soon find ourselves being pushed out once more by the simple desire to be authentic. So my coming out continues as a gradual process, but at least it is happening and my wife is still coming out with me. At my age, mortality beckons. I don’t want to die without ever being myself. This week I’ll be driving across town and visiting my therapist as Carole. Not a long trip, but a very big one for me, like flying over the moon! Thanks for your lovely blog.

  10. Hi Cate,
    I see on the schedule for Southern Comfort that you are a presenter. I also have the honor of being a presenter, speaking about HIV/AIDS, Substance Abuse, and being Transgender. Unfortunately you and I are scheduled to present at the same time. I really wanted to attend yours and am very disappointed. I do hope that we can meet at some point. That would be awesome!
    Sara
    813-716-4264

  11. dearest Cate: you and i have been friends fora long time . I think i first met(saw) you on Fliker photoshareing . also on experience Project and facebook. it has been a long road for the both of us i think . I am totaly feminine on the out sideyou would not believe the overall change in my person doing the male to female trans formation.if it were possible i would like to show you my befor and after photos. you know me on facebook as Leanne Edna Anderson.

  12. Hello dear Cate! I have read your life story and I would love to chat to you, when you have time. I am Linda from the UK, Lincolnshire.
    Have a great days!

  13. Hi Cate,
    How are you doing. I love your site. Did you change the format? I can’t find my old postings. Recently I started to go to a transgender group I even went out dressed for the first time it was so exciting and scary, hope to do it more.
    Hugs Richelle

  14. Hello Cate!

    Long time to talk with. I hope this finds you well. Would love to chat with you again. You have my email addy (I used to go by Kelli only). I was surprised to find you have this web page and just to find this page to contact you. Lots has happened since last we chatted. Hope you get a moment to chat a bit.
    Many hugs,
    Crys

  15. Hi, Cate. There are a ton of sites now, but few are geared toward mature TG issues, so I was glad to see yours.

    Except for a brief “foreshadowing” moment when I was 7, in which, on a hot summer night, I peeled back the blankets & just allowed my sheet to cover me. I somehow imagined that sheet to be sort of a gown, and I rolled left & right to get it to “fit” around my waist. I was very aware of how self-conscious I felt, knowing I had better keep this a secret.

    Fast fwd to 2 years after my too-early marriage. Suddenly, I became interested in anything with satin or lace, as my wife had NOTHING of the kind. First, a series of “gifts” for her to wear which were promptly rejected. That progressed to purchases for my SELF (if she wasn’t going to wear these pretty things, SOMEBODY was going to & it may as well be ME). Then, the fascination with transvestic fetishism & accompanying closeted masturbation, followed by boredom until I decided it could be WAY more fun to pass. So, just before I hit 40, I came out in public on a biz trip. At 48, I had to tell her, & at 49, we divorced.

    A life of confusion suddenly came into sharp focus after looking in all the wrong places for love.

    Now, married to a woman who accepts me, we go shopping together, trade dresses, blouses, skirts, & accessories with one another.

    Though I don’t get out much of late, I wear what I like to bed, & am content inside, knowing who I am, in & out, both male & female. I prefer to present as female, but it won’t kill me to wait ’til I can geta few man projects out of the way. I am 58 now, & will never look back, except for maybe wanting a facelift someday. How do I post a picture?

  16. Cate,
    I’m glad to see you are doing what makes you happy, while helping others.
    I support you through this journey. I love your smile! Much love!

  17. Hello, after 46 years of marriage (and 60 years of dressing) I came out to my wife. A 1000 lbs. of weight off my shoulders! But we are separating at this time-don’t know about the future but have to be true to myself. Thanks for sharing your story.

  18. I think you are great,most articles I read stil have a wife I think it is great not to be alone
    specialy during transition,
    You have a beautiful honest face that can be trusted!!!
    Andrea

  19. i have been married four times. Three of my partners died . two with heart attacks and one with cancer. in 2005 i remarried for the fourth time.
    We were married arfter a lengthy courtship. one day my then girlfriend offered to come help me clean house and dispose of my departed wifes clothing.after a while she opened a dresser drawer and asked me what do you want to do wit this drawer full of your wifes panties. I took a deep breath and told her those are not my wifes panties. those are my panties. The we went into the kitchen and sat and had along talk.
    I told her that i thought if after finding out that i was a cross dresser she didn’t run screaming for the tall timbre we might have a chance of having along loveing relationship. She told me later that it made no difference to her because she had already fallen in love with me. Happily we have been married now for almost eleven
    long happy years.

  20. Hi Cate! I found this blog through one of the G+ communities that I follow. I think it is wonderful that those of us that are into our Social Security years (LOL) have a place to talk and realize that we are not alone in this sometime struggle with life.

    My background is I’m over 60, married for 38 years to someone who now identifies me as her partner and not her husband. I spent over 20 years hiding in the military then over 10 years working for the government before having to go into a somewhat forced retirement due to several surgeries. I escaped the North East a long time ago and have lived south of I 10, off and on for over 40 years. I live just a bit down the road from you.

    I tried at least three times over our time together to show her who I really was but due to fear of losing, would slam myself back into hiding. It took her questioning her sexuality and now her involvement with the LGBTQ/HRC at work that she finally realized what I was trying to tell her. It’s funny but until just recently, she came to the realization that I was never her Knight in Shining Armor but another woman that was always there to stand by her and help her through the trying times.

    She convinced me to finally start going to see a therapist and it looks like I may finally be on my way to stopping all the herbals and black market estrogen. I will finally begin see the medical people that I needed to see many years ago.

    I am looking forward to reading the previous postings as well as the future ones too. Thank you for starting a blog for us.

  21. Cate, reading over these comments and your post, I’m also “one of us.” Also born in the early 50’s. Didn’t know what was wrong, but I did know there was something different. Married at 20, came out to my wife in the first year of our marriage. Luckily, we’ve been married for over 45 years, but it’s still an elephant in the room. I think we older folks need a voice.

    1. Michelle and Cate, yes older so much we suppressed to get to where we are. Go to therapy and group but no one that is close to my age 61. This is at least my third trip around the block. Told my wife this time that I don’t think I can live as a male any longer. Yes I have started coming out to family and friends some are easy some are going to be hard. 30 days in and a life time ahead.

      Erin

  22. Hi Cate: it is just me checking in. you must be on the go a lot. I have tryed to call you several times but not had much luck. I am still full time and loving it. so does my wife.
    I am 77 now (soon be 78 this coming september). i have been leanne now for so long people i know (localy) on face book see me at the grocery and wave and say Hi lenne.
    I told my wife if i were to go out now as a maole noone would recognize me. it is strange how that happens . I even get mail from the insurance compnys and the dish tv people addressed to Leanne. ha ha hows that for acceptence.
    Leanne Edna Anderson.
    ps i had to put Edna in there because the first Leanne Anderson account i had on face book got hacked and so i had to hqave something to differentiate between the two. hugs………

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