For those whose lives we’ve changed

For those whose lives we’ve changed

This page is for spouses, lovers, families, friends, associates, neighbors, allies or acquaintances whose lives have been touched and changed by a trans* person.  Here you can tell us how your life has changed, either for the better or worse.  Here you can share your joy or vent your frustrations.  This is a safe place.  Please send your posting as a response and I will place it here.  If you wish to leave your name or remain anonymous, your wish will be respected.

8 thoughts on “For those whose lives we’ve changed

  1. My Dear Cate: We have known each other for six or more years. Have only met in person a few times. Even now after so many years I feel we have become good friends. Take care and God Bless you Cate. Your Dear Friend. Sincerely Charla

  2. My brother called me at midnight on a Friday, obviously drunk. He said “Dad has something to tell you and you’re not going to like it.” I begged him to tell me what it was. He refused and hung up. Mom had only just died of cancer and I immediately jumped to conclusions that my father and best friend was succumbing to the same disease. I couldn’t live without him. He had secrets sworn to take to the grave, ones even Mom didn’t know. I cried. Hard. Surely there would be more secrets I would need to tell him and he just couldn’t leave. He couldn’t be dying. Anything but that.

    I called Dad at midnight on a Friday. Crying and begging for him to tell me what was wrong. He laughed. LAUGHED?? You’re dying!! What’s so funny?? He responded “Honey, I’m in the best health I’ve ever been and I feel great. I do have something to tell you but I don’t have cancer. We can talk about it when you come visit in a few weeks.” Oh. Whew… Well then what the hell is it?

    “He’s gay.” I hate to be a stereotypical assumption princess but that’s the next thing I could come up with. Certainly not because being gay would be bad. I wasn’t raised that way. In our home if you were friendly and used your manners you were alright with us. It had more to do with something so serious we needed to have a face to face talk about it so there are no blurred lines. That serious.

    Weeks went by and it was time for my trip. I anxiously drove the nine long hours to Florida still not convinced that he wasn’t dying of some unknown horrific disease. I arrived, we hugged and said our hellos, but I couldn’t wait and neither could my brother. As the 3 of us stood around in the kitchen (probably drinking beer) my brother said “Pops, don’t you have something to tell Toots?” and the conversation began. At first I didn’t know what he was talking about. Transgender? “You like dresses?” It’s more than that. “Oh. Well explain it to me.” I sat, listened, learned, and asked some hard hitting questions. My twins were only babies and I didn’t know how this was going to alter our “traditional” family. He’s my father. I didn’t want to take that away from him. I didn’t want him to lose the title of Grandpa that he so righteously deserved, but what do I call you now? “I’m Cate.” Okay…

    We talked for what seemed like ages. I was fascinated. And sad.

    (To My Father)
    Finding out that you had been keeping a secret deep in your heart, out of fear, kills me. I hate that I didn’t know about Cate. I hate that I couldn’t help you in your dark times because of ignorance. I never knew. I never knew that everything I saw wasn’t everything you were. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are my leader and my guide. I need YOU. The person who has raised me to be beautiful and strong just looks a little different now. I will always look up to you as a symbol of strength and integrity. Knowing what I know now only bonds us together… because now we can share shoes.
    I love you, all of you. From now until forever.
    Your Daughter

    1. Ah Rachel,

      You beautiful, beautiful child.

      I sit here sobbing with appreciation of who you are and the parents who raised you to accept.

      My daughter is much the same and is willing to support me beyond what I, as a parent, am capable of sharing. I know she understands that I am a parent and as such cannot relate anything that might cause an additional burden on her.

      As I told her, I would tell you. Please do not be saddened by my slow path to reality. As hard as it was, I got you! Nothing can compare and you humble me with your love.

      Truly, you are magnificent!


  3. I am 59yrs old and have struggle all my life F2M I did manage to have a name change from Female to Male. As far as the sex reassignment goes I have too many Health problems so here I am stuck. I do wish to reach out and help others make to right choices for their lives.

    from LEMIE LOU

  4. Dear Cate, I really love this site and I intend to follow up with the Help websites. I am married (2nd) and together have 7 children (all left the nest but one). My wife (a big FOX News fan) sees but doesn’t want to see a transgender husband. I am 62 and too old for this stuff. I have “come out” on Halloween only(last 4 years) but dress and go out when she is not here. I have a closet niche full of nice clothes. I have left panties drying in the bathroom by mistake, she just shakes her head. I am an artist(sculptor) and massage therapist (and Reiki) so she just puts all my quirks out of her scope of understanding, she doesn’t pry or ask questions. I’ve gone the herbal route for 2 years and have nice little breasts and am trying to train my waist(love corsets). I think that my desire to be fem is changing my body more than any herbs could. I have been using a cream called Bi-Estro for a couple of months. My breasts are large enough to warrant concealment in public pools and I catch our friends starring.
    Thank you, Rachael

  5. I am a cisgender straight licensed clinical social worker with clinical specialties in HIV, combat PTSD, geriatrics, substance abuse, and gender therapy.

    I am very impressed with your web site and the opportunities that you open for
    transgender persons to share their real life experiences without artifice and the chance to share real life , real experiences and and real learning that comes from life and experience.

    I would welcome the chance to share thoughts and ideas with you, be it by snail mail Frank Vozak PO Box 1074 Hines, IL 60141, telephone Hines VA Hospital Geriatric Clinic 708 202-7442 or e-mail

    I have done a lot of brainstorms on ideas about gender and transgender with a transgender woman half my age who spends a lot of her time researching transgender issues, I have benefitted greatly from her challenges to my professionally acquired knowledge which has greatly changed a lot of my thinking. I have found that this way of learning has benefitted me significantly during my 44 plus years as a clinical social worker and I would so much
    appreciate the opportunity to be further challenged. Thank you for tolerating my rambling.

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