wish i could be a woman too

All About Loneliness and Depression

wish I could be a woman too   Just last week I received a one-line e-mail, no subject, from an AOL account.  It simply said, “wish i could be a woman too”  This e-mail had an immediate impact and has followed me for days.  For many reasons, old and new, I empathize with this person.  Most of us can, because we’ve been there and this is or was us.  There came that moment for us when it all became too painful, too bewildering and too consuming that we all had to say or type or write the words or even scream them, “We are not the people we appear and we are prisoners in our own bodies and our hearts and souls are in pain”.

Loneliness   There are few soul pains as cruel as not wanting to be the gender you are, hating the body you see in the mirror and being unable or afraid to tell anyone.  The added sadness that you have lived with this secret for a year or decades.  The agony of seeing others who have successfully made the transition while you must hide your true self.  We’ve all been there.  We all reached that point where we had to tell someone.  We could no longer contain it and had to say, “wish i could be a woman too”

I am so happy she reached out   I am so glad this person wrote to me.  I responded, but have yet to hear back, and I may never, but for a brief moment, this person, one of our sisters, reached out and got a reply.  Maybe this was enough and she will go about her life. Maybe it is the start of her liberation and transition.  Everyone’s transition is different and perhaps hers is just coming out to herself and knowing who she really is inside.  Wherever her journey takes her, I wish her well.

Please reach out, we’re here  We need to remember when we had our, “wish i could be a woman too” moment.  This goes for ALL our sisters and brothers.  We also should rejoice, remember and thank those to whom we reached out.  At our low moments, we found someone to connect with.  I encourage all those out there, those who are looking to connect or those who are willing to speak with someone just finding their way, reach out. Please find each other.  There are many places out there where you can connect with someone, but if you are here and need to connect with someone, I’m available.  E-mail Cate.OMalley@MatureTransgender.com, I would love to hear from you.

7 thoughts on “wish i could be a woman too

  1. Hi sweetie, I’m a72 year old woman (transgender ). Just be the best You you can be. I learned this along time ago. You will be comfortable with You. Love you, Leslie

  2. My heart goes to so many. My first contact with a transgender was when I was in foster care many years ago. A family gave up their teen son because “he couldn’t be fixed.” I want all the beautiful people to know they matter and I support you. Don’t be afraid to reach out or use your voice. I am so glad this blog is available! You rock girl!

  3. I wish I was a woman every sence I was 4 years old I new I was a woman in the wrong body I whore my sister clothes I was told that was wrong I new they didn’t understand how I felt I’m 41 now and the feeling are stronger than ever now I can’t afford to go to therpist to get hormone I need help in lonely were I live they don’t understand tranender or transsexual I rather die today than go on as a woman trapped in a mans body

    Your truly

    Malcolm Stephen vineyard

    1. I urge you to seek help as soon as you can but in the meantime you can buy the drugs at inhouse Pharmacy online,I did this until I got approved by the VA.

    2. Malcome Stephen Vineyard : I was in the same situation that you
      are talking about. I wanted so badly to be more feminine. Like they
      sday about the army be all yo can be. that was what i wantedto be.
      all the woman i could be. so i did a lot of research . looked at all the
      publications and haunted the shelves looking for something that
      would help me on my to change my body from male to female.
      At last i decided that the answer (for me) was to find a product that
      contained estrogin and a T blocker that would allowthe estrigen
      to do a better job of changeing my body. all of the herbals i used to
      do this were products off the shelf and very inexpensive.. one was black cohosh which is an estrigen replacement in mennapausel women. alwso soy estrigen tablets and as a T blocker i used Saw palmeto.
      I have been very hasppy with the results that i have had with this. I did it on my own no doctors or tharipests and i am now a good looking trans woman.
      If you would like more information look me up on face book. I am Leanne Anderson on there.

  4. After reading the 3 above messages, “I wish I were a woman”, is the way many of us transgender women feel. I am now 71 and at the age of 11 I began to have a thing about female under wear, bras and panties. Naturally at that age I didn’t understand what was happening and in my family was my mother, older brother and myself, parents had divorced when I was 7. I got married at 19 and in the military which I made a career of. My career ended and so did my 22 year marriage. I was then alone, and began to experiment with dressing of which I didn’t really know what I was doing. I met a lady, dated then married. After 2 weeks I felt I had to tell her of my desire to dress as a female, she said as long as there isn’t another woman in our life it would be fine. For 8 years I got to enjoy being a part time female and also joined a support group and my wife even attended when she could. I got to where I could pass as a real female and even began to shop in malls and womens’ stores alone and was accepted by them. My dressing even carried over into the bedroom which really put a spark into our lives. Then came the time the ugly ED problem arose and my wife didn’t understand and thought it was because of my dressing and trying to be more of a female so I threw everything female that I had, ie, all panties, bras, 3 sets of silicone breasts, 5 wigs, many skirts, blouses, make up, just everything needed to be like a female. Deep down inside I knew I couldn’t just throw away the female hiding inside of me but I tried to control her. All of that was from 1988-1996 and I have gone back to panties every now and then but that is about all. I know I am not the only transgender person that has gone through this and people that don’t have this desire in them will never understand how hard life is for us. Myself, I don’t want to be a woman, but having about a “B” cup size breast and my slimmer body is what I would be happy with and to be allowed to dress again. Good luck in life to all my sisters in the world that are like me, maybe one day we will be accepted in this world.

  5. I know how you feel. I’m 51 and have had many things in my life that would make think that I was transgender. However I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was that there were so many times that I wanted to do “girly” things throughout my life. When I think about being a girl, I get a warm
    fuzzy feeling, and I can feel so much love and excitement flowing out of me. I am just starting to transition but I could never be full time with my circumstances and that makes me sad. However, though, I’ll let Jennifer be Jennifer as much as I can. Thanks for listening!

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